Realities & Adventures

This weekend was not as productive as expected. Although I did write my resume and get some reading done, I had planned on a lot more. This cover letter thing is more intimidating than I thought. I feel like I need to learn more about the organizations I'm applying to before I start writing a cover letter to them. So more research this week I guess. This week is pretty easy class wise so I can probably fit more research time in.

This week has also been really real. A somewhat startling realization to count your blessings everyday. First of all a close friend is going through a divorce which is something really foreign to me. I've only had a few friends whose parents are going through a divorce much less knowing someone who actually is. Also I'm really awkward about talking to people about negative things happening in their lives. I wish it was something I was better at but in my family we tend to just ignore negative things till the go away. Or just spend a lot of time denying anything negative is happening. Ostrich family is what I call it. In any case, I am shitty at being helpful in this situation. I can't even imagine what it feels like to deal with a divorce. Never mind the emotional side, just the financial side is terrifying. Even when the individuals are amicable, there still seems to be a sense of both parties are going through this alone. It can't be easy going from making decisions together for X amount of year to suddenly having to rely on only your judgement and instincts for every choice. Especially since my parents are still together I rarely think of divorce as a reality some people are faced with. As I'm sure everyone does (aside from Kim Kardashian maybe) when I think of marriage, I don't think of it as something that ends, ever. It's one of the few things in life I generally have faith will last a lifetime. Clearly that is not always the case. I know there is nothing to do but be there for my friend and offer whatever support I can, I just wish there was a way to know the right thing to do without having to ask...

The next thing that happened was a very close friend lost her mother. Yet another thing I have no idea how to be helpful with. We are not nearly old enough to be losing parents. Again I wish I knew how to be the most helpful. Do people still bring the family dinner? Like can I make lasagna and bring it over, or is that weird?

These type of things always make me examine my own life a little more closely. Do I tell the people I love that I love them everyday? Do I make sure my friends and family feel as though I care about them as much as I do? Who have I blown off seeing to take a nap or play video games and why? I know a person can't be prepared for any of the awful situations in life, but is there a way to make somethings easier later?

Dylan and Justin in Narnia

On a brighter note, Adventure Monday was a resounding success. Justin and I started doing hikes and activities on Mondays after work a while back so we dubbed it "Adventure Mondays." In the fall it was easier to do hikes but now it gets dark to early so we've had to figure out other things to do. Dylan joined us this week and we started off by playing wiffle ball at the elementary school near my house which was awesome! I have very little sports capabilities so I was surprise at how fun it was to hit a ball around. This is a new Monday must... Then off to Rocky Butte to see the snow fall. Here are the lovely photos! I think it looked like Narnia.

Narnia!

City lights

I made a salt and pepper heart!

Then we went to Dyaln's house for a bit to drink some beer. We ended up making the wiffle ball Axis of Evil. Not real sure how it started but things got pretty.... well... something... Lastly we went to the Kennedy School for some late night snacks. I can sit still at a table so I entertained myself by making shapes in the salt and pepper. Yeah, I'm like 8 years old at heart...



Today started out excellently. Was woken with Archer's voice saying "Hi, it's the 1930's! Can we have our words and clothes and shitty airplane back? Call you back, 1930's. And hey, watch out for that Adolf Hitler. He's a bad egg!" Yeah that's my phone's ringtone. And who was calling, you may ask? Why it was the boy calling from Haiti! Kind of Haiti. Technically from the Dominican like ten minutes away from the border with Haiti but Haiti sounds better. Made my day so cool. And sad a little just because I miss him. But it was awesome to finally get to chat for a while. He's so happy there. It is so awesome. Wish I could just get on a plane and fly there tomorrow! Instead I need to stop writing this and walk through the slushy rain to get to class. Just have to keep reminding myself I'll get back to Haiti eventually!! 

If you ain't runnin' wit it, run from it, motherfucka

So I find Lil Wayne semi-inspirational. That's ok, right? I can be a productive member of society and my favorite playlist can still consist of Sean Paul, Rihanna, Lil Wayne, Drake and Wiz Khalifa, right? Often I feel like everyone else enjoys listening to "good music" and I just love shitty pop & rap and there is some sort of problem with that. I enjoy listening to other people's music and hearing stuff I've never heard before but at the end of the day, I just want to listen to some fuckin' RiRi. Maybe it is just living Portland that I feel especially judged for this fact. Thank god I have Alex in my life to dance and bond over Rihanna with.

Again, this is not what I set out to write about. I set out to write about Beyonce. This is at the request of Frico Kidd. He finds it important that the world (or at least the people reading this blog) know that Beyonce worships the devil. Or is the devil. Or possibly her child is the devil. Or is just evil. I'm not actually 100% on the issue. The point is, there are indicators to this... problem... She wore a t-shirt with a pentagram on it, a ring with something on it that was reported as looking like the devil (but actually looked more like a goat) and one of her songs which is recorded backwards when played forwards is actually her praising the devil. Or  is the devil speaking. Or is the devil's voice coming through her. Also her child's name, when rearranged, spells something devil like. Clearly, these are the facts. And the facts do not lie. This is something we all need to be concerned about. The Mayans did predict this is the year the world ends. Maybe it is Beyonce's doing. Or her child's doing. Or even Jay-Z's doing. The point is, watch out for Beyonce. And her child. And Jay-Z. And probably Destiny's Child as well.

On a totally unrelated, non-musical note, these are the things I did this week:

• Wrote my resume! It is passable as a professional document.
• Did not get drunk at Claire's birthday. And still had fun.
• Finally had lunch with Alisa to talk about the beebee shower!
• Started reading the book for for my child class.
• Read about writing a cover letter. What a weird thing...
• Did not download more time wasting apps.
• Finished taking all my antibiotics! 

These are the I have not done:

• Practice French. The individual whose car my French book is in has not yet left it on my front porch, as requested. If you are reading this, please do so soon. I have goals. 
• Actually applied to the internships I've found. I realized I should go to the career center and have them look over my resume and cover letters before turning them in. Re-evaluating goals is important.

These are the things I plan to do tomorrow before my week is technically over:

• Go for a hike. Snow is in the forecast so a hike may not be possible but Justin and I agreed to at least do something outdoorsy.
• Run a DARS report. I am dreading it since I failed a class last term (for the first time EVER) and I can't bear to look at the damage to my GPA.
• Brain storm for internship essays. Damn Paul Farmer and Bill Clinton for making me think on the weekends. 
• Make something for Sunday dinner for the first time in months. 

Hopefully reasonable things to do on a Sunday and considering it is Saturday night and I am at home listening to Drake, drinking a diet coke and getting ready for bed, I will probably have plenty of time to complete all tasks tomorrow. I am kinda liking this new lifestyle... 

"Resumes will not frighten me" & other mantras of the week

My classes this term are pretty awesome. One is on health promotion programs for children, one is public nutrition/health program creation, and the other is a base level required class on what public health is. Admittedly I was not excited about the what is public health class because I generally hate classes under the 300 level and all of the idiots in them. I have been pleasantly surprised with how useful this class has been so far. Our first guest speaker came in to talk to us about resume and cover letter writing and our first assignment is to write a mock resume for a job in the public health field. My fears of being under-qualified for things is slowly evaporating. I thought my resume had to be a lot more informative and experienced filled than it really has to be. I am starting to believe I actually have done enough things to qualify me for at least the internships I am looking into, which is a good start. And the cover letter just seems practical and a good chance for a potential employer to get to know you a big better. Not scary at all. This is something they should teach you in high school. Life skills. Hella practical, right?

So this weekend is resume writing for the 6 internships I'm looking into for the summer. 1 is in Portland, 2 are in Haiti, 2 are in DC,1 is in North Carolina and 1 (the dream one) is in Boston. I hate thinking of moving to the east coast. It sounds so gross to me. But one thing at a time. My dream internship is with Partners in Health. For those of you who don't know (and maybe we shouldn't be friends anymore if you don't know this), Partners in Health is Paul Farmer's organization. For those of you who don't know who Paul Farmer is you should stop reading immediately, google "Paul Farmer" and "Mountains Beyond Mountains," read everything about him and purchase and read the book and then resume reading my blog. And then maybe we can be friends again. I read MBM my junior year of high school and I've been hooked on Haiti ever since. It was like everything Farmer did and said made more sense to me than breathing. How one would live their life any other way was baffling to me. I fell in love with a country I had never been to or even knew anyone from. All I knew is that I had to get there. So I spent the next six years reading everything I could about Haiti and  all of Farmer's books. (His books are amazing and inspiring but also pretty technical so I will not judge you for not reading them unless you want to work in Haiti in the public health field. In which case you should go read them all tomorrow.)
And then, two years ago yesterday, the earth quake happened. Initially, I didn't know about the earthquake. I was taking that year off from school and had disconnected myself from a lot of things I previously loved, Haiti being one of them. I found out about the earthquake via a text from my mom the day after it happened. I was shocked and devastated for Haiti but felt that there was very little I could do. A coworker found out about All Hands (HODR at the time) and decided to go to Haiti to work with them. She wanted me to come to but at that time I was still making excuses for not doing anything interesting so I didn't go. But I starting reading about Haiti again and raising money for earthquake relief through Mercy Corps. (You should still all give money through Mercy Corps. They do really awesome work around the world.)
In November of 2010, just after starting classes again, I was looking through my coworkers pictures of Haiti and thought, "I can go there. I can do that." So I applied with All Hands to go. The day I got the email accepting me to go in March of 2011 was the happiest day of my life. And it was the best time I've ever had. I met the most amazing people whom I am still friend with, saw the most beautiful sights I've ever seen, drank the best beer ever, and took the most amazing bucket showers under the sunset. It was everything I'd hoped it would be and more. I knew it was the place I was supposed to be.
The only downside was not knowing when I'd be able to go back. Although with All Hands you don't have to pay for room and board, the plane tickets there were expensive. Especially since I was a college student living on my own and paying for school myself. Through a series of random events including me getting a tattoo, a random email, my roommate getting pregnant, a trip to LA, meeting the boy and finding out he was going to Haiti,  and a text message from my mom saying All Hands was looking for volunteers again, I ended up getting to go back. Life, God, whatever, seems to be directing me to a very specific place. The things I want (truly and deeply want, not just new-pair-of-shoes want) seem to keep manifesting themselves at exactly the right time. Writing about how this has all happened over the course of eight years is filling me with this feeling of being insanely lucky and insanely happy now. For all of the little ups and downs life throws at me everyday, I am so blessed. Some things are just meant to be.

Now I have to take a moment to address the role my mother has played in all this. My mom is a quietly amazing woman and mother. It has taken me a while realize all she has done for me but I would not be even close to where I am today with out her support. Every time I have an interest or new passion, she is the first one on board. She is getting signs up for e-mails from groups I'm interested in, clips articles for me that relate to things I've been talking about, donates money to organizations I take an interest in, and sends me text messages and updates about all of it. I wouldn't have ended up going to Haiti this last time if it weren't for her email. My mom is awesome. And I don't think I tell her that enough.

This is not at all the blog I set out to write. I was going to say more about my awesome classes but I think it will make this post entirely too long so I'll save that for another time. Now I really need to get to writing my resume so I can get the fuck back to Haiti.

P.S. Does it take away from the legitimacy of this post that while writing it I've been listening to the "Tell Me When to Go" Pandora station which includes gems such as "Back That Thing Up" by Juvenile, "Smack That" by Akon and "Disco Inferno" by 50 Cent?

There will always be excuses

I feel like I keep making excuses for not working on more of my January goals but I have a good one this time; I scratched my cornea on Saturday morning and spent the weekend in the dark because my eyes were too light sensitive to be around any light. Awesome right? I had so many things planned to do over the weekend and I just failed at them all. Full disclosure: It probably is my fault I scratched my cornea. I drank too much on Friday night and slept in my contacts and then had to peel them off eye extremely dry eyes in the morning. So my bad. Good news is that after spending 3 hours in the ER just waiting in a dark room with my eyes watering, they gave me antibiotic eye drops and vicodin. More good news, I am finally over the ear infection/cold thing I've been fighting for almost 3 weeks now! I'd say my health is back to like 90% of what it used to be and I'm ready to move the fuck on.

Things I've done this week to get a move on:

• E-mail a woman with Metro Family Services about volunteering with their after school child care/homework help program.
• E-mail my aunt about volunteer connections she has.
• Bought a French activity book which I subsequently left in someones car but will get back soon!
• Used my planner.
• Answered most of my e-mails. 

Things I've done this week that probably set me back:

• Drank too much on Friday and Tuesday.
• Started watching a marathon of the British show Shameless.
• Downloaded new time sucking apps for my phone.
• Spent too much time thinking about being under qualified.

Five steps forward, four steps back. At least I'm being honest. 

Got a long e-mail from the boy on Saturday which was very exciting since he does not always have a chance to write very much. It was also intimidating because every time I talk to him or read his longer e-mails, I realize more how freaking incredible, smart and thoughtful he is and I start feeling under-qualified for him too. I am sure he doesn't see me that way but it is a huge insecurity for me which I am trying to work on. I know I need to change my way of thinking to "how awesome it is that we are both awesome people who have so much to learn from each other." I'm also jealous that he is already where I want to be doing the kind of things I want to be doing. Fuel to my "getting-shit-done" fire I guess.

Also the fabulous Christa started a facebook thread with me, Abby, and Alex which is fantastic. They are a group on ladies I am amazingly lucky to know. They are all so driven and dedicated to everything they do. I love hearing about all the things they are doing from working in Haiti to starting a scholarship fund for Haitian kids to raising a family (and trying to add to it!!). Thanks ladies for adding to my inspiration!

Goals for the rest of this week/weekend:

• Being writing internship essays without putting pressure on myself to make them perfect. Just write whatever I feel like writing about and improve them later.
• Spend at least 2 hours working on French.
• Run a DARS report for both of my majors and map out my last 5 terms of school.
• Do not get excessively drunk at Claire's birthday party on Friday.
• Finish my readings for my classes for the week.
• Go on a hike. (weather permitting)
• Hang out with Bri & Gio & kiddos.
• Write more in this blog about my awesome classes/awesome book I'm reading.

Specific goals. Things I can check off the list. Things are looks up this week!

A New Year

So we are 5 days into the new year and I am finally getting over an epic 2 week long ear infection/cold which makes me feel like the new year has actually started for me. To start this new year off I have a confession to make; I am terrified of growing up. I may talk a good game about all the things I want to do and places I want to see and differences I want to make but, the truth is, I am scared shitless of the future.
The following things are the most troublesome to me:

• I feel totally unprepared for the career I want.
• I am too comfortable with the life I currently lead.
• I am totally afraid of failing or being rejected from just about anything.
• I will have to pay off my student loans after I graduate.
• I will have to deal with my credit score at some point.
• In an attempt to take classes that fit around my work schedule, I have ended up taking classes that are largely useless to the type of career I want.
• There are a thousand people in the world more qualified than me to do everything I want to do.
• I am a terrible speller.
• I need to learn French. Soon.

These are all things I've known for a long time but I have never really thought about dealing with these fears until now. There are many things giving me motivation right now. Some of it comes from the fact that I will be graduating from college in the foreseeable future. Some of it come from seeing my best friends starting their real "adult" lives. Some of it comes from falling a little bit in L with a boy who already has his shit together. (Additionally, he is one of the greatest things to happen to my life thus far.) Some of it comes from my 24th birthday being next month and 24 seems like a reasonable age to start ones adult life. 

I know I am not alone in feeling scared about leaving my (nearly) carefree young adult years but often times I feel that way. I think maybe writing about my fears and struggles with this whole growing up thing will help me stay motivated and honest with what is going on in my life. I like to think about future a lot but I always skip over the "working hard to make things happen" part and go straight to the "look at all the awesome cool things I will be doing" part. 

So these are my goals for January:

• Apply for internships with Partners in Health, Coalition for Community Health Clinics, and any other health related internships I can find.
• Talk to the study abroad program about the senior capstone in Nicaragua.
• Practice French 4 times a week for an hour at a time.
• Finish The Stealth of Nations and Health Care Co-Ops in Uganda.
• Pay my taxes.
• Find somewhere to volunteer.
• Cut down on nights spent drinking too much.

Seems doable, right? These were my purchase from the last week or so which will assist my goals. Fun!