A New Year

So we are 5 days into the new year and I am finally getting over an epic 2 week long ear infection/cold which makes me feel like the new year has actually started for me. To start this new year off I have a confession to make; I am terrified of growing up. I may talk a good game about all the things I want to do and places I want to see and differences I want to make but, the truth is, I am scared shitless of the future.
The following things are the most troublesome to me:

• I feel totally unprepared for the career I want.
• I am too comfortable with the life I currently lead.
• I am totally afraid of failing or being rejected from just about anything.
• I will have to pay off my student loans after I graduate.
• I will have to deal with my credit score at some point.
• In an attempt to take classes that fit around my work schedule, I have ended up taking classes that are largely useless to the type of career I want.
• There are a thousand people in the world more qualified than me to do everything I want to do.
• I am a terrible speller.
• I need to learn French. Soon.

These are all things I've known for a long time but I have never really thought about dealing with these fears until now. There are many things giving me motivation right now. Some of it comes from the fact that I will be graduating from college in the foreseeable future. Some of it come from seeing my best friends starting their real "adult" lives. Some of it comes from falling a little bit in L with a boy who already has his shit together. (Additionally, he is one of the greatest things to happen to my life thus far.) Some of it comes from my 24th birthday being next month and 24 seems like a reasonable age to start ones adult life. 

I know I am not alone in feeling scared about leaving my (nearly) carefree young adult years but often times I feel that way. I think maybe writing about my fears and struggles with this whole growing up thing will help me stay motivated and honest with what is going on in my life. I like to think about future a lot but I always skip over the "working hard to make things happen" part and go straight to the "look at all the awesome cool things I will be doing" part. 

So these are my goals for January:

• Apply for internships with Partners in Health, Coalition for Community Health Clinics, and any other health related internships I can find.
• Talk to the study abroad program about the senior capstone in Nicaragua.
• Practice French 4 times a week for an hour at a time.
• Finish The Stealth of Nations and Health Care Co-Ops in Uganda.
• Pay my taxes.
• Find somewhere to volunteer.
• Cut down on nights spent drinking too much.

Seems doable, right? These were my purchase from the last week or so which will assist my goals. Fun!